I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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