She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
