when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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