Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
