Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
