just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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