I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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