Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
