thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Two words: nipple clamps
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