I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just google imaged poop.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
