Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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