you guys were way drunker than both of me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
