HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who died my cat blue again?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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