You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had sex on a roof
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
