what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
