You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just invented taco cereal.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
