I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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