Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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