It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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