i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
