Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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