I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
