New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
