One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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