i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
