Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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