Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
