Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
