apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
