Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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