if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
