Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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