I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
