We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
