I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
