I like to think it a success when the cops are called
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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