I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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