if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
