hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
