strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone signed my nipple.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
