Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
