I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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