Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
