if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
