i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
