I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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