It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
