The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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