What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
