I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I will die if light touches me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
