I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
