Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
