im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found puke in my bra..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
