I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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