Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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