bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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