You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
