What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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