he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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