4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
