speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
