I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
