dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
