I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
