Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
