next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
