The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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