is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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