dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.