I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning