dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
they need to just BURY HIM!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid