Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.