i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.